Understand this. I was skeptical to talk about this, not because I have anything to hide, but how much information is too much information? You tell me….
Besides my uncle mentioning the guy should always open doors for me, I don’t recall ever being taught the way I should be treated by a man. So when the time came, it was trial and error. I was in high school when I got my first kiss. He pulled up outside my house by the trash cans. I told my grandma I was going to take the trash out 😂 gave him a peck on the lips and he kept it moving ✌🏽 we talked a little after that but ultimately, we fell off.
If you research individuals that are disabled and their experience with dating, you’ll see that many of us do online dating. I’m no exception. That’s actually where I’ve met 99% of the people I’ve ever talked to or had sex with. The other 1% goes out to a few guys that I didn’t meet online and were actually interested in me from the first sight. Special shout-out to them 👏🏽
I was introduced to online dating back in high school, a friend of mine put me on MeetMe. I met the guy I had my first kiss with on there and the first guy I started to seriously talk to. Then after a while, I was introduced to Tinder, Badoo, and PoF. Each of them had their own set of pros and cons and I can’t tell you how many times I deleted accounts and made new ones 😅
It wasn’t until my first year of college that I lost my virginity. It was with a guy from that 1%. I remember my roommate and I were walking back to our dorm and he was sitting outside of it with a couple of friends. That was our first glance moment. It wasn’t until a week or so later that I was in the cafe and he approached me asking for my number. I don’t wanna give out too many details but the rest is kind of history. He and I had so many ups and downs. Of course, sometimes I wish I would’ve waited but I wouldn’t replace him being my first for anything. Till this day he’s become one of my best friends.
When I transferred to my second university, that’s when I lost control, sexually. I was allowing some of the guys that I had met online to come over and “chill.” At the time, I didn’t have a car so I wasn’t able to meet up with them in public. I always took the time to get to know them before I let them come. In case you’re wondering, no, I’ve never been catfished lol. For most of them, I had no expectations beyond sex. During my three years there, I talked to about 5 guys seriously, the rest were just booty calls 😂🤷🏽♀️ and yes I was safe.
It wasn’t too long ago that I did my own research on dating with a disability. One of the concerns that I saw was deciding if the individual should mention their disability in their bios. Personally, I never did. I waited until the guy was interested in meeting me and then I’d tell him. I didn’t want him to think that I had been lying or he was being catfished. From there, it was either they didn’t care or I never got a reply. Orrrrrr if they did come, they really were bothered and I never heard from them again after they left.
It wasn’t until my last semester that I got lucky and found what I’m looking for. He and I met on Badoo. The timing was perfect because if it had been a couple of days later, we wouldn’t have met. I planned on deleting my account. We clicked instantly. Our stories are different but yet so similar. Maybe one of the first guys I’ve encountered who has really taken me out, buy me flowers, show his appreciation, been there to support and lift me up when I’m down. He has showed me the way I’m supposed to be loved and cared for.
I’m such a hopeless romantic. I want my fairy tale ending so bad that I allowed myself to get lost in the accounts I was making and sex I was having. Most of these dudes didn’t really care to get to truly know me. I make a joke out of it, but it wasn’t cool. Patience is the key to life. Things like your perfect significant other don’t fall in your lap. I believe that you run into them with your hot coffee, on accident, when you least expect it and that’s what makes it more of a beautiful connection and bond.
As I conclude, let me leave you with some advice from my own personal experiences. For my people out there that don’t have disabilities, be open to dating someone with one. I promise once you get to know them, you’ll realize they’re no different from you at all. Depending on the individual, you might not be able to go on dates like rock climbing, skating, or bowling. And that’s okay because you get to use the creative side of yourself and make up dates that you’ll both enjoy. Just think of it as any other relationship; there will always be ups and downs.
For my disabled friends that are reading this:
- You have the right to date: don’t let anyone make you think otherwise. Every puzzle piece is looking for where it fits.
- Don’t rush: trust me I know it’s easier said than done, but don’t. The right one will come when you least expect it
- It’s okay if your partner helps you: in the disability community, we often have this pride thing where we prefer to be completely independent and don’t always want the help that’s offered. But if that’s your partner, let them give you a lending hand
- Don’t settle another thing that’s easier said than done. A best friend of mine always reminds me that a person will only do what you allow them to do. So don’t settle for anything less than the best you deserve.
- Your disability does not define you: you are more than that, so let it be known
- Be self-confident: wear your disability on the top of your head like its a crown, with pride and grace.
- Have fun: don’t allow society and its appearance of dating keep you from living your best life and having fun while doing it
If you’d like to share your dating experience. Comment below.
#stillRising
#stillRising 